Today I took a 6-month-old, a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to get the flu shot. I do this sometimes. Occasionally, I get overly confident that I've somehow mastered the combo, and I take on something totally ridiculous....like three flu shots on my own.
Right off the bat, I chickened out. I postponed Adelai's shot until tomorrow's check up and convinced myself that giving a 6-month-old 4 shots instead of 3 shots on the same day would be better. I then called Chris and begged him to meet me at the doctor's office. He was busy, but threw out a "maybe I'll meet you there." That was enough to give me courage. (He never showed....I guess bringing home money or whatever is important. FYI, at the doctor's office, I could've cared less if he came home with a million bucks today. I still would have asked him to help. I like instant gratification, if you haven't noticed.)
So, we went. During this entire story, picture me holding a happy baby in my arms, who is delighted until I lay her down in her car seat. This ticks her off immensely and she screams, which makes my irritation level skyrocket immediately. Therefore, she is in my arms the entire time. Because that's apparently how God designed it. (Love that guy, but seriously?)
The first hurdle a mother of three faces is getting the children into the building without one of them getting run over by a SUV in the parking lot. Who gets out first? How do you make them follow the rules while you are getting the baby out of the car? How do you carry your thermos of vodka without spilling it on the baby? (Ha ha, just kidding. That totally was a joke. Please don't call DHS. I don't even drink.)
I instructed them with my kindest firm voice to go stand by the wall without moving. The kicker? They actually did it. This caught me off guard. In fact, I had to stare at them for awhile, trying to anticipate their next move. "Chase and Justin? You are....standing by the wall. Okay...that's umm....that's good guys. Thanks? I mean, you are kinda creeping me out and stuff...but good job!" So we sign in, they run all around screaming with joy, people are staring and judging, etc. I don't care though, folks. I showered, kids are alive, nobody smells, things are going great.
They run circles around the waiting area. More judging, more staring, whatever. They scream at the fish in the waiting area, pounding the glass right under the sign that says "Please be quiet and don't pound the glass." We get to the room, and we find out that both kids are able to get the flu mist. Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Did I actually just catch a break? Records are checked, everything looks good, and the lady comes into the room with the mist. Justin picks this moment to announce that he has to potty. Chase chimes in. They both do the "I have to pee immediately dance". Sure, guys. Why not stop everything to go down a hallway so I can figure out how to button pants with one hand, twice? But we get it figured out. I'm on a roll. We come back.
Justin volunteers to go first. He takes the mist like a warrior. It is at this moment that I realize Chase has his nose in the corner, covering his face with both hands. When it's his turn, he starts to scream hysterically. "I DON'T WANT THE NOSE SHOT!!!!" He goes into full on panic mode, as if I'm about to hurl him off a cliff into the abyss. The nurse steps out for a moment, to "give you guys a couple minutes..." and Chase crawls under the sink in the room. Justin decides the mist is running down his nose or something, and starts emptying out drawers of paper towels, using at least 60+ towels to wipe his face. I lay Adie down, and she starts screaming. All hell has broken loose. Oddly enough, it's more comforting to be in chaos than to be orderly lately. This is my baseline.
So what do I do? I whip out the mommy-threat. "Chase, you are not leaving this building without the medicine. You either do the mist, or you take a shot. You tell me. You are doing it though." Screaming (in stereo, since the baby was screaming too). Crying. Snot everywhere. Justin opens the door and runs down the hallway. I shoot Chase the I-mean-business-don't-mess-with-me-I-will-destroy-you look. He agrees to the mist and gives me the I-hate-you-for-trying-to-kill-me look. Justin wanders back into the room (because he doesn't even notice my mommy glare) and Chase takes the mist, which I don't even think he noticed.
All is fixed by the stupid stickers at the desk. Are you kidding me? Both boys leave the building with joy. One has a Star Wars sticker, and the other a Spongebob sticker which they both want on their arms, directly on the skin.
And here is the absolute worst part of the whole story. Tomorrow, we are doing it all over again for Adelai's 6 month check up. Right now, I can't think of a harder job than being a mother. sigh.
